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2018/03/24 09:20:28

Hejka, to mój pierwszy wpis. Byłabym wdzięczna gdyby ktoś mnie „wypromował”. Przechodząc do tematyki; będę tu umieszczać zdjęcia według mnie warte uwagi, a pod każdym z nim opis mojego dnia. Mama dziś wróciła pijana, jak zwykle kłóciła się z tatą (zawsze tak ma jak za dużo wypije). Nie bierzcie tego tak jakbym miała patologie w domu bo tak nie jest. Trudno mi się o tym pisze, bo nie wiem jak zbytnio to opisać. Po prostu czasami mam tego dosyć i chcę mieć miejsce gdzie będę mogła o tym pisać. Dziękuję, następny wpis będzie lepszy. #depression #problem #anorexia #ed #eatingdisorder #sad
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2018/03/24 08:57:41

Getting fed up of the dining hall so having oatmeal for tea 😂so here's what I had for lunch instead - rice, veggies and beans which I added a lemon tahini sauce on top . Hope you've had a great day!
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2018/03/24 09:18:25

If you're in recovery from an eating disorder and don't have access to a dietitian with a special interest in this area get in touch! I offer Skype sessions both nationally and internationally 🌏🌎🌍
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2018/03/24 09:16:11

You can't live with anorexia and succeed. But what if you don't care? Sometimes it is easier to think I'd rather be dead than fat. But healthy does not have to mean fat. It means happy. Life is beautiful, it truly is. Never give up x #anorexia #anorexiarecovery #bulimia #bulimiarecovery #anorexianervosa #bulimianervosa #eatingdisorderrecovery #edsoldier #eatingdisorder #edrecovery #edfamilyrecovery #recoveryisworthit #recoveryispossible
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2018/03/24 09:14:05

Today I've had two coffees with soy milk and some agave syrup, spring rolls with sauce, 2 big handfuls of almonds, some sauce kraut, and now lemon sorbet. Probably around 1200 calories? Maybe less actually. And I've been at work for 8 hours. Is that a lot? Did I eat too much? Please someone answer because my brain is totally fucked up and I have absolutely 0 sense of what is a normal food intake and I'm yeah. I feel fat and I feel like I ate too much but i didn't binge, so that's something. I'm so overwhelmed. I'm so depressed about my body. Please tell me this is okay. Please tell me I'm okay. Please tell me I didn't eat too much. Please tell me it's okay. I can't breathe . Please. Gosh I'm so broken. I'm so fucking broken. I want a hug, but I can't even hug people bc I'm too ashamed of myself and my body. Crying crying crying #mentalillness #mentalhealth #eatingdisorder #ednos #restrict #restricting #panicdisorder #anxiety #bingeeatingdisorder #vegan #sad #sadness #depression #fat
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2018/03/24 08:45:47

Just some random thoughts, mtw?I'm so tired of this shit. Why am I feeling guilty because I drank 500 ml of fucking DIET coke? Why do I feel guilty for eating in general?! I mean what is this shit? What is wrong with me? I don't want to go inpatient again, I don't want to catch up all the school stuff I'll miss, and I don't wanna leave my family alone. Also I'm super scared everyone will see the difference if I'll gain weight. What if they'll all think I'd be healthy and happy again? Why am I even scared they will think like that? Wouldn't this be good? And if I'll gain weight, people wouldn't worry about me anymore, would they? Everyone is always telling me it's okay to be exhausted and tired because of school and stuff, because I'm underweight and my body hasn't got much energy, but if I'd gain, being tired or exhausted wouldn't be okay anymore? That's making me fucking anxious. Yes, I enjoy being cared for so much, because it makes me feel like I'm allowed to cry and I'm allowed to be weak sometimes. I feel like back when I was at a normal weight, I wasn't allowed to show any weakness. It was my job to look after my little fragile and beautiful friend, the only thing that mattered was her to be happy. I know it wasn't like that and I'm exaggerating, but that's how I felt. I don't want to feel like this again. My mind is split, I don't know what to do, as no matter how I'll decide, I feel like I will never be happy again. I wish I could just turn back time to when I still had the chance to have a fun life, when things weren't totally difficult. I don't want to be "fat" (my opinion about how I looked pre ED) again, but I want to have my life back. I am not the same person than I was two years ago and I also don't want to be this person ever again. I want to be the person I really am. I want to be more happy than sad (I mean everybody's got some bad days), and I want to enjoy life without thinking about calories the whole time. I have no idea if I'll ever be able to be this person, but I really hope so, and I won't give up without trying my best. I have no idea where the motivation for writing this text at 1 am came from (thanks to the caffeine in cola😉)⬇
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2018/03/24 09:07:04

He started flirting againCalled me sweety
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2018/03/24 09:07:22

(Have a picture of my wall ‘cos I have no other pictures) ...... I ate a slice of chocolate cake earlier which was scary but I ate it because I fucking WANTED it. The boyf had a takeaway tonight which included cheesy chips and the real me wanted to demolish them with him but the nob that is #emetophobia wouldn’t let me. I managed a tiny handful with minimal cheese though so mini wins are better than nothing 💪 It’s so weird because really I LOVE food but this fear, phobia, disorder, whatever you wanna label it is bigger than any other emotion or generally just anything! It won’t let me have or do what I really want. It’s actually really nice to have the food loving thoughts of the real Charlotte deep, deep down. She’s still there and I will find her again. #emetophobic #eatingdisorder #disorderedeating #anxiety #anxietydisorder #agoraphobia
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2018/03/24 08:28:08

Our Building Self-Esteem trips are designed to help you shine ✨We tackle a range of topics depending on the needs of the group, from confidence, body image and eating disorders to trauma and fear.Unleash the real you!www.discoverstrengthenheal.com
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2018/03/24 09:06:51

Fasting is so hard for me. I've lived most of my life obsessed with food simply because I was so poor I didn't have access to it sometimes. As I started to suffer from depression food not only became something that I needed to survive, but also something I needed to achieve the smallest amount of happiness. As I work to achieve my peace, the first thing I plan to do I break this crutch and obsession I have with food. #iwantpeace #eatingdisorder #depression #introperspective #happiness #health #iclaimit #weightlossjourney
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2018/03/24 09:05:32

🍜Spicy #luckyme instant noodles w/ shirataki, bok choy, and quail eggs. It's been a long time since I've eaten instant ramen. That could be why I thought this was so tasty, haha.It's ridiculous to let the amount of sodium dictate whether or not you eat something! /unless you have a medical condition ofc/I used to eat TWO ramens at once, usually with additional mix-ins. That blows my mind. I don't think I'll ever do that again, but maybe next time I'll challenge myself to a full sized package...#whatiate #weightrestoration #foodlog #fooddiary #foodjournal #edrecovery #anorexiarecovery #edsupport #anorexianervosarecovery #eatingdisorderrecovery #recovery #adultswitheds #eatittobeatit #nourishnotpunish #foodisfuel #foodismedicine #nourishtoflourish #recoveryisworthit #recoveryjourney #edcommunity #fearfoodfriday #fearfood #recoverywin #instantnoodles #ramen #anorexia #eatingdisorder
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2018/03/24 09:05:28

Hi guys. This week has flown by! My schedule will be completely messed up next week though. I have standardized tests Monday and Tuesday, a gynecologist appointment Wednesday which will make me miss a test (i’ll have to make it up sometime) and then we are out of school until the following Tuesday. That week we will have more standardized tests, plus a movie day for my English class. All of that AND my Scholastic Bowl meets/practices! I’ll be busy! Trigger warning ahead, read at your own risk! ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ god i feel fucking disgusting once again. i can’t stop myself when pretzels are involved and i’m probably never having bagels ever again after these are gone. i’ve been eating way too much this week and so i know almost for a fact that i gained. plus my dad told me today that he told my doctor he honks i’m eating better and that i don’t need to see a nutritionist. he says this right after he tells me that my labs came back to say i have a nutritional deficiency and low heart rate, and that i have three follow up appointments in the coming weeks. this sounds really shitty but i miss being really bad, everybody sees how i’m stuffing myself and they say i’m better. i hate it. and myself. i can’t keep eating this badly.⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ #ed #eatingdisorder #eatingdisordersurvivor #anorexia #anorexiasurvivor #bulimia #bulimiasurvivor #ednos #ednossurvivor #orthorexia #struggling #surviving #depression #suicidalthoughts
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2018/03/24 09:03:17

One of my closest friends gave me this years ago.... it has survived 4 moves and still on my hardest/worst days it pulls me through! #worry